Irritating Christians

OK, I used to be a Christian, but I wasn't irritating other people with it.


So this girl, someone I knew from Childhood adds me on Facebook. We're cool.
Then she finds this thing and reposts it. You've seen it before, 'The Christian Thang' comes in many forms.


It's usually a Facebook status message or an email that talks about affirming your belief in something and then it ends with, "And as a service to humanity, you should dutifully repost this and wave your ass around to ALL of your friends, right in their faces, with serious pride, mmmkay?"


This time 'The Christian Thang' came in the form of affirming support for the pledge of allegiance and focused on the sacred words, "Under god."


And it also talked about having this removed from the pledge of allegiance.


So I chime in and, hell, as the only guy willing to speak up for the hundreds of non-believer friends on her massive Facebook list, I say, "I remember the pledge. First, it felt unnatural like programming. And then second, I knew that my god wasn't the same as everybody else, and some didn't have a god, and it's stupid for a teacher or an educational institution to make people stay non-scientific or non-educational stuff they don't believe in."


Make people say stuff they don't believe in? - Can we get more fucked up? That's not freedom and that's not comfortable or even right to do. We should stop it.


So then she says that she wouldn't be here if not for God and she's so sad to hear that I have troubles believing anymore. I tell her God passed the science test. I prayed and prayed for months, wholeheartedly, seeking a sign. And I always got internal dialog in my head. I used to think that was God I heard talking back to me, but I proved it was just myself.


You know how some Christians tell this faith affirming story of, "One day, I was driving, and then god spoke to me clear as anything and he was like WHAT THE FUCK, PULL OVER RIGHT NOW, YOU ARE GOING TO DIE!!! so I pulled over... and then there was this awful accident, and I'm alive because GOD IS REAL!!!"


Well, I remembered that shit. And one day, actually on multiple days because my brain was fried with Christianity since I was a small boy, that same exact thing happened to me. God was like, "Pull over, biotch!" and I was like, "You know what, this is the PERFECT opportunity to PROVE that this is just in my head."


So, as the troubled one I was... as far as I knew, I was risking my very life to prove god was either right or wrong, either real or not real. And well, I'm still here typing this shit years later, right? There is NO god.


I shared this with her, and she shared back. "I married this guy that was addicted to alcohol and wrong in all the wrong ways, and I stuck with him because he's a man of god and I was TRAINED (by my perfect religion) to never question male authority since men are closer to god." ... ok to make a long story short, she wasn't sure what to do. She left the poor sap. Later on I guess he died or something because she wouldn't be here alive today if not for him..


Oh wait, I remember. She was suicidal when she talked to god, after a long vacation from talking to god, and god finally said to leave, so she left and she's so 1,000% sure she would have killed herself otherwise.


OK, as long as we're deep on derp. I've nearly committed suicide, and I know what it's like not to fuck around with it. I had a cord wrapped around my next and my vision was fading as I rest on my bed, waiting to die. I got the good cord, the one that's over 20 meters long, and I wrapped until I could barely breath even if I tried as hard as I could. I was not shitting around. But my brain never stopped thinking. I was trying to talk myself out of it from the moment I started minutes ago. I eventually thought of who would find me. Well shit, it'd be my dad. And my brother had already offed himself not too long ago... and that would just devastate him. He wasn't ready to handle that, and he shouldn't find me. SO I decided that I would wait one week. And if I still felt the same way, I would go to a hotel and let some maid find me instead.


You know what? I didn't think about god once. He just wasn't my kind of crutch at the time. When people are on the edge, they think of whatever keeps them going. The thing about there's no atheists in foxholes is bullshit. What's true is that there's no men in foxholes who don't have a crutch of some sort. They think of SOMETHING that keeps them going. We all do, and there's proverbial foxholes in life. She was in one of them.


The difference is that when a Christian gets through something (even if they were in no real or serious danger, and were only mildly depressed) they come out of it thinking that God saved them yet again.


Let me tell you. I've been taking every risk ever given to me when God says that I am going to die or suffer unless I listen to him. I don't cower in the field of the unknown, in a nonexistent foxhole, praying to a nonexisting crutch. My crutches are REAL! and I have no faith in god. I am stronger than any Christian will ever be. I have transcended from a weaker form into something much more powerful and capable, and even more fearless for it.


Anyway... I deleted her from Facebook along with another Christian that was too loud and annoying.


The funny thing is what was the last straw, the thing that pushed me over... This was days after the pledge of allegiance thang... She says it's her birthday and she wants huckleberry pie. But not just ANY kind of huckleberry pie, the kind you climb up a mountain and pick the berries yourself, and then take them home. YUMMO!" - yes, she said the word "yummo".


And at that point, I realized that leaving Christianity has made me a far more interesting person, with a much more fulfilling life. I am never going to make a post that has the word "yummo" in it or talk about stuff that's so meaningless as blueberry pie. Well, hell... I'll do meaningless, but I'll make it interesting, dammit.


Instead of "yummo", I am so many much more powerful and interesting words.
I am bitch, cunt, fuck, shit, higgitywiggity-woo-woo... I express myself with the full color range of the linguistic rainbow and that makes me funny, enjoyable, and shit... sometimes I'm so damn funny I even make myself laugh.


I am a happy person, and I make other people happier than I ever would if I had remained a Christian.
I completely renounce the faith. I've done that privately a number of times, but now I do so openly for friends, family, peers, and perfect strangers to stand witness.


I also invite you to stand with me, and I challenge you.


As a Christian, maybe you've been challenged to believe, and just try a prayer and then see if your body feels something since you're praying (guess what, that works with any god, it's called a psychosomatic response and it explains why religion is so believable. It feels very, very real.)


My challenge is to not use my bullshit test, but make up your own bullshit test and make it a good one. See if your god can pass the bullshit test, and be serious about it. Just as serious as when you prayed for the first time and felt something.


Without further adieu, here's something that got me thinking about all this stuff today. I came across a link that shows the Christian crazies are wrong about that "But the founding fathers made those words..." argument. They actually were NOT chosen by the founding fathers for our pledge. Read on.


http://www.secularnewsdaily.com/2011/03/24/the-founding-fathers-had-a-national-motto-e-pluribus-unum-2/


By the way, there are some negative side effects of leaving god. You are going to turn into a drug abusing loser like I am and you'll start hitting people for no reason as you become increasingly violent. It's true that it's impossible to be good without the grace of God... you will become the worst, most evil son of a bitch ever since Johnnie Cash... and you'll love every minute of it.


Peace!