"I need space"

My first breakup caused me to feel pain and uncertainty for about eight years, and I hated women because of it. I also learned something about what people are feeling when they say, "I can't, I need space".

A boy who left you last year is messing with your heart today? Pain doesn't last that long, but love does, and love can cause pain if you love someone that doesn't love you back.

I pushed away sincere friends because of it. The only healing I ever had was when I finally stoped loving this person who was now so far in my past.
If you hurt, you still love him. That is why you need space.

Even my relationships today are still impacted by this person in my past. My first girlfriend. I hesitate to feel or trust anyone.

The damage wouldn't have ever been so bad if I knew what the source was.
I needed to stop loving her, stop thinking about her and the times we were together.
I had to stop asking "why" and accept the new situation that she did not want me.

Ask yourself:
Should he impact you more than any of your better friends or family? Should something negative control how you think and feel? You need to let go. That certainly takes time, but isolation won't help. I tried it myself. You need to just stop loving him and the past, love today.

Go out with your friends and family, let something be more important than he was. Put him into the a different place in your mind and heart. So long as this person (any part of them, or your memory of them) is on a pedestal, you will have no peace.

With new experiences, you will get further and further from the past. You need something to think about and value today.

You need friends and new experiences, not empty space. You need to go out more and get your old life back, the good life you had before you met this guy.

We never need space. The problem of space is when we make space for someone that no longer loves us. You need full space, not empty space.

Android Sucks

I got a phone which is powered by the "open source" Android operating system.

This is a smart phone, I should be able to do email, notes, calendars, spreadsheets, almost any kind of program... but I can't even put a .txt file on it because the proprietary file browser (connection tool) is so heavy with DRM protection that I can't even move a text file from the computer to the phone.

DRM is hollywood legal stuff to make sure I can never access any copyrighted content (file) that might have been pirated (copied) instead of purchased. All Android applications and media can only be distributed or obtained  through 'Google Play' (the equivalent of itunes store for iphones).

The only place I can get applications is from one single centralized authority which is heavily restrictive. (Google Play). The only place anyone can buy or sell Android applications is through the centralized authority. Um, great. Everything that was ever great about 'open source' and deregulation is gone now. No benefits for owning an Android.

The only way to access this centralized authority is though an app, which is blocked and unavailable from China.

To be able to access my phone in the most simple manner and even put a .txt file on it, I have to 'root' the phone. I.e. I have to hack it and void the warranty.

What is a text file? One of the oldest and most common file types in existence, more than 20 years old and native to most operating systems. I.e. I can't even type or store notes on my phone. That's not a 'smart' phone at all. Definitely not a smart purchase.

If I bought an iphone, it would work. I would at least be able to take notes and read a .txt file.

Android is terrible, and I don't believe I'll ever buy another Android phone again. I will join the countless legions of hipster drones with iphones. Then I will dance the robot in a black turtleneck as I pay homage to the world of restrictive copyright protection and capitalism gone so out of control that businesses tell the government what's best for the people.

I ask myself. Will my computer be next? Will some future version of windows tell me that I can't have a text file, or read or write, unless the content has been approved or came from the central authority? - Error, you can't write files unless you buy MS Word.

So much has been taken away from us. Who are the real pirates? We've been robbed. Who do we complain to?

Pascal's Wager

The wager: God can't be verified, but if you believe in him, you get heaven forever. If not, hell forever. Best to believe in god.

The flawed logic: A high priest of the flying spaghetti monster confronts you and says that you'd better believe in the cosmic spaghetti monster or you'll suffer forever.

The reality: Christianity is a religion. There's many religions which state that it's either heaven or hell, and you'd better believe in that specific religion. All religions are silly. The real wager isn't about belief (relatively cost free), it requires you to actively practice a religion, that costs time and money.

The conclusion: Pascal's Wager is invalid.

Drama

Police show up informing me I need to register my location and may pay a fine for not doing it earlier.
Toilet overflows at same time I go to police station.
Police need copy of ID from landlord. Go home.
Ten Chinese people form an angry mob about the toilet situation. The laowai is bad!
Dog needs a walk.
Girlfriend needs a little emotional support.
Computer broken.
Behind on work.
Late to work.

Too many things at once. Yet people walk up to me and expect I can instantly drop whatever I am doing.

I want a Tshirt of a clown juggling eggs on a unicycle, and someone asking a favor of them.